Healing from Trauma: Reminders Only a Psychologist Can Give to Build Safe Relationships

Building safe and healthy relationships after experiencing trauma can be challenging, but it's certainly achievable with the right approach and mindset. Trauma can leave deep emotional scars that affect how we interact with others and view relationships. It can make us wary, defensive, and sometimes fearful of forming close bonds again. However, with awareness, patience, and deliberate effort, it's possible to overcome these hurdles.

Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and open communication. After trauma, these elements might seem difficult to attain, but they are not out of reach. Here are some reminders and strategies that can help you create and maintain safe relationships, even after trauma. By integrating these practices into your life, you can pave the way for stronger, more supportive connections.

1. Recognize Your Triggers

Understanding your triggers is crucial. Triggers are emotional responses to certain situations or behaviours that remind you of past trauma. By recognizing these triggers, you can identify what is okay and what is not okay for you in a relationship. This awareness helps you communicate your boundaries more effectively and avoid situations that might cause distress.

2. Question Familiar Patterns

Familiar patterns in relationships might feel safe because they are known, but they may not necessarily be healthy. It’s important to question these patterns, especially in cases of disagreements and anger. Just because something feels familiar doesn't mean it's beneficial. Reflect on whether these patterns are constructive or if they need to be changed to foster a healthier relationship dynamic.

3. Take Your Time with Trust

Building trust is a gradual process, and it’s perfectly okay to take your time. Trust is earned through consistent actions and maintaining boundaries. Don’t rush the process; instead, allow trust to develop naturally. This gradual approach ensures that the trust you build is strong and enduring.

4. Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care is vital in maintaining boundaries and avoiding dependence in relationships. Prioritizing self-care, self-love, and self-respect helps you stay grounded and emotionally balanced. When you take care of yourself, you are better equipped to contribute positively to your relationship and avoid falling into unhealthy dependence patterns.

5. Communicate Openly

Open communication is key to any healthy relationship. Be open about your needs and willing to listen to and respond to your partner’s needs. Clear and honest communication helps build mutual understanding and respect. It ensures that both partners feel heard and valued, creating a strong foundation for a safe relationship.

6. Practice Patience and Compassion

Show patience and compassion towards yourself and your partner. Healing from trauma and building safe relationships take time. Be gentle with yourself during this process and extend the same patience and compassion to your partner. This supportive approach fosters a nurturing and safe relationship environment.

7. Seek Balanced Support

No single partner can fulfil all your emotional needs, and they shouldn’t be expected to. Strong relationships involve partners uplifting each other and not constantly filling each other’s empty buckets. Seek balanced support by maintaining a network of friends, family, and possibly professional help, such as therapy. This ensures that your relationship remains healthy and balanced, with both partners feeling supported and valued.

Building safe relationships after trauma is a journey that requires self-awareness, patience, and effort. By following these reminders and strategies, you can create and nurture relationships that are healthy, supportive, and fulfilling. Remember, it’s a gradual process, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. If you need any help, reach out to a trained therapist.